Your senior has a draft. You’ve read it. You have thoughts. This post is about which of those thoughts to share.
Why restraint matters
Admissions readers read thousands of essays and can tell, almost instantly, when one has been smoothed by an adult. The tell isn’t bad writing — it’s writing that’s too even, vocabulary that’s a notch too formal, a conclusion that resolves everything. Seventeen-year-olds don’t write like that, and readers want seventeen-year-olds. An essay a parent “fixed” often reads as less authentic than the rough draft it replaced.
The essay is also the student’s. Not in a sentimental way — in the way that they’ll be asked about it in interviews, and the way the Common App makes them affirm it’s their own work.
What to do
Ask questions about the moment. “What were you thinking when that happened?” “What did it look like?” “What did she actually say?” Questions pull out detail, and detail is what good essays are made of. The student answers out loud, then goes and writes it.
Say what you felt reading it. “I got lost here.” “This part I could picture.” “I didn’t understand why you stopped there.” These are honest reader reactions, and they’re useful. They tell the writer where the essay is working without telling them what to type.
Protect the schedule. Make sure there’s a draft in August, a revision in September, and nothing frantic in October. Logistics are a fine place for a parent to be firm.
What not to do
Don’t rewrite sentences. Even bad ones. Point at it, say it’s confusing, and let the student fix it. The fix will be theirs and it will sound like them.
Don’t suggest the topic you’d have chosen. The essay about the summer job that seems small to you may be the honest one. The essay about the mission trip that seems impressive to you has been written ten thousand times.
Don’t add accomplishments. “You should mention the award” is nearly always wrong. The activities list has the award. The essay has one small moment, told well.
Don’t make it tidy. Students want to end with a lesson; parents want to end with a lesson. Readers want to end somewhere they didn’t expect. If the last paragraph could be printed on a motivational poster, it’s too tidy.
One outside reader
A teacher, a counselor, or someone whose job is reading student writing. One round of feedback — questions, not rewrites — from someone who isn’t the parent. It takes the emotional charge out and it’s usually the round that makes the biggest difference.
The hard part
You know this kid better than any reader will. The essay isn’t supposed to capture all of that. It’s supposed to let a stranger see one true thing. Your job is to make sure the true thing stays in, and to resist making it sound like you.
By Jeff Thompson, Phortex Campus · September 15, 2026 · ← All posts